Accepting Lifes Challenges

This last year with our oldest in Kindergarten has been eye opening! We have learned and confirmed our child has a Neurological Disorder. We are still looking for more answers to a possible Autism diagnosis. I am so sick of hearing, "But he doesn't look Autistic" or "He will be fine, you're probably causing the Melt Downs & Behavior changes." No 2 children with Autism or Sensory Issues are alike & everyday is different. I have no doubt in my mind my son will be ok with the right therapies, but that doesn't mean I will stop trying to help him. Right now we have 2 diagnoses from 2 different sources. One from his Pediatrician..Developmentally Delayed due to prematurity & Drug Exposure in Utero, I agree with that, but also there is more. 2nd from an Occupational Therapist.. Vestibular Sensory Integration Dysfunction from drug exposure,prematurity, and lack of oxygen to his brain in utero & in the NICU. I have not aired out the gory details of my son's past before he was placed into foster care to the public, but I also want to raise Awareness to other Adoptive parents or parents in general, that Drug Exposure has it's risks. I would not take anything back, and he is my son blood or not! Everything I am doing is to help him & help us parent him. I have my days where I cry because he is not like regular children his age, he can't sit through a movie theatre, he can't perform in a school play, go up with the other children during children's time in church, walk up to children & ask to play, give adults eye contact, show affection to extended family members, go to a Birthday party without stressors...the list can go on. He is becoming more withdrawn & our parenting skills have had to change with him. Time out no longer works, he hides under tables, throws objects, hits himself, and can become a danger to himself. I have learned a Sensory Diet to help prevent Melt Downs & overcome them when they begin to prevent an escalated behavior. What I have a difficult time now is when the things we have learned don't work, I am at a loss. So we have gotten accepted into a Developmental Pediatrician at the end of May, we are on waiting lists for 2 different hospitals in Fort Worth & Dallas. This Dr got us in earlier with our Private Insurance. This is his 2nd evaluation for Autism & now that he will be 6, it is more invasive. We did get an IEP plan at school for 30 minutes of Occupational Therapy once weekly. I have gotten the question "Do you want him to have Autism?" What?? No, what parent wants to face that diagnosis. What I want is the correct diagnosis, and if he doesn't have it, than Praise God! That being said that doesn't change that he needs help to function as he gets older. I have been researching everything, and I have difficult time with public school right now. I can't even stomach thinking of first grade. You see 90% of the week my child cries on the way out the door. Like a dagger to my heart I have to let him go. I worry about him all day. I feel both of us have been let down where he is at. I won't go into all that, but 99.9% of me wants my child home with me. With my 2 yr old it's easy to see him go to preschool he is happy & thriving. My first born has never had that experience, he has cried everyday through every MDO program until now. The minute I mention Homeschool some see me as a bad parent, but many parents with children with Sensory Issues thrive at home. You see, you still socialize them, just they don't do well in large grouped classrooms, teachers don't understand their sensory signals, and the staff in general don't know how to handle them. That is a very unsettling feeling as a parent. Now the good things, he talks more. His pragmatics still need improvement & we have been referred to Baylor for Speech Therapy. I am waiting until after our diagnosis with the Developmental Pediatrician for a referral in writing for a Speech Therapist. We had in writing by our normal Pediatrician, but the school didn't recognize it. He will come home now & tell us a parts of his day. We never get a full descripition or he could be talking about months ago! Hey at least he is telling us, he also will tell me if he needs a "squish box" or "he is too shy" or "he is angry" & so on. He never did that before & the other day he spoke to the CVS pharmacy Tech, but he has seen her many times before. It's the little things that make me smile & I have learned to accept who he is, and it's not just abandonment issues as everyone thought before. He is my son, no matter what he is diagnosed with. He is a very lovable, funny, & smart little dude! I thank God everyday for sending him to us. He healed a big whole in my heart with my infertility & wait to be a Mom. God placed him with this Momma Bear for a Reason, and I am truly Blessed. Now in between 3-6 pm, I am a Hot Mess! With a 1yr old, 2yr old, & Sensory kiddo melting down all at once while you try to make dinner, clean & bathe, it's very overwhelming! I don't recommend calling me at the time, lol!