The warmth is spreading

Wow, 3 months ago I never thought I would have written this post with such love and warmth. My last post was bitter, but I was hurt & felt so alone. Well now I am happy to report that my family, and now my sweet husband are becoming smitten with Baby 3 (Isabella Grace). The journey the last 3 months have been an emotional roller coaster. We have switched to a different agency as an Private Identified Adoption, but our Birthmom put the Adoption on hold then switched back to Gladney. We originally left Gladney due to the fees of a second Adoption with them. I was so distraught my heart broken, I felt I had lost a part of me. A big gap in my heart, and all the pain of loss in the previous adoption attempts hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't bare the thought of this baby being raised by another family, not that I didn't trust another family. This baby is already a piece of me like Joseph & Daniel are. I would feel the same pull, if it was Daniel's biological sibling. Love binds family together, and I have a huge heart that can love beyond any capacity. The adoption journey does this, it opens your heart, soul, and mind. It doesn't happen over night, because your fear of scams, birth parents changing their minds, trusting strangers with your future family, finances, and judges not granting your adoption. I have had every single one of those fears..We are still gambling with our fears and finances with this adoption process. There isn't a guarantee that she will place this baby with us. I can say I have the best feeling it will, she promised me last time. She never broke her promise, and this time she has a more greater reason, Joseph. She wants to have this baby with Daniel & Joseph. She went back to Gladney, then we recieved the call that Camille is adament we are the parents of this baby. So they worked with us doing an Identified Adoption plan as well. I am grateful, and our new case worker is very sweet, although we miss Raquel ;) She will always be dear to me. My fears are pushed way to the back of my head, but sometimes creep up. I can say this that every time I hear the heart beat,and when I finally saw her(Dr suspects

Isabella, won't uncross her legs) my heart strings were pulled like a gravitional force to this precious baby. It is an indescribale feeling to love a baby so much that someone else is carrying, and they are to be "your" child. Much like the time I felt Joseph in Camille's belly at 36 wks pregnant. It's a feeling of love, that hit me unexpectedly. I am so grateful for infertility as my journey was completely in God's hands all along, everything happens for a reason. I am a living testimony to this. Gotta go my gifts of God are screaming for attention ;) Thank you to all my supporters, for picking me up everytime I was down, the journey is not complete, and I need you guys more than anything. To Dallas thank you for understanding and loving me.